Looking Up to Find My Mellow
“Take time to be…mellow, cease the mindless craze…”
Abide in silence, maybe count to ten? (To the tune of Take Time to be Holy.)
Recently I actually Googled, how to be mellow. Because, really, that’s where I want to be. Calm, peaceful, and mellow. I read a blog on the subject where the writer observed that the only people who seemed to capture this elusive concept was men. I’m inclined to agree, for the most part. We women, or at least me, tend to have the mindset that if I only work harder, I can fix the whole world and accomplish my dreams. Despite the last fifty years’ constant spanks denying that warped little idea.
I’ve made moves in that last few years to try to make my life more mellow. More…simple. I quit my full time job, which at the time was very stressful. My plan was to free up more time to write and therefore, blow a raspberry at a half decade of nay-saying. Now however, sometimes writing stresses me out. It is a job, after all, a very fickle one with an undependable CEO, namely, me.
This has led me to realize that stress for the most part starts in my very own gray matter. I allow things to bug me, so they do. I push harder, so I feel pushed. I cycle issues in my head and they grow and spin in continual turmoil. I refuse to resolve issues and therefore they become a large bucket of unresolved problems on which I stub my toe on multiple times a day.
And, you know, they have such helpful suggestions to help you attain a more relaxed life course. Like, take deep breaths. Exercise. Drink water. Close your eyes. All good suggestions. Not always helpful when you’re sweating bullets with a ball of frustration the size of a buffalo on your neck. Like I have time to stand up and walk for fifteen minutes. Trust me, if I start walking, I won’t be stopping until my feet reach a beach.
But I will continue to chip away at this concept of being more mellow. Try to be calm and at the same time avoid being uncaring. (It’s a lot easier to be mellow if you don’t even care.) Because after all, how many times has my life not worked out? I’m still alive. I’m still striving. Sure, it didn’t always work out the way I wanted, but things mostly resolved one way or the other.
And that’s the rub. I want it my way.
But God says, And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10 NIV.
It’s so true. I’m not so full of my own plans to fail to notice how hard is to apply the very words I believe with all my heart. In short, I’m not in charge, so chill. Take those deep breaths, pace to the beat of relaxing harp music and close my eyes and remember this verse. Lean into that verse and trust.
Perhaps I’ve just made a turn into a more mellow direction. Kneeling with my eyes up.